


Footsteps

by Hilarie121



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Post-PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-11-13 11:15:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hilarie121/pseuds/Hilarie121
Summary: No one really knows the true Tessa and Scott. Everyone including family and friends have their own idea about who Tessa and Scott are. After twenty years, the buried secrets and pain come to the surface. The consequences are unbearable. Watch as Tessa and Scott heal from the pain and drama they inflicted on each other. Does love conquer all? Or is it better to just walk away.





	1. Tomorrow Will Be Different

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. I'm sure their actual lives are not the dramatic or interesting.

**Future**

            “Why didn’t you choose me?” Tessa screams as she watches Scott put his hands on the door knob. Her heart is pounding and she is shaking violently as she holds herself up as straight as possible. Scott grips the door knob tightly and without turning around responds in a clear steady voice “Because nothing would change”

 

**Past**

             

               The lead up to Pyeongchang is harder than they expect but not for the reasons everyone thinks. They keep their main focus on the prize and try to build their bubble as carefully as they can. They spend more time together than they ever have before. Tessa and Scott throw themselves completely into the comeback. And they love calling it the comeback even though they pretend to hate it. They love going up against the odds. They thrive on having a shared goal. But at the same time it feels like a fresh start. It feels like an opportunity to begin again and get it right this time. As Tessa sits in Scott’s apartment on a late Sunday afternoon she looks at him and smiles. Scott smiles back and asks “ What are you looking at?” He slides the stack of chocolate chip pancakes over to her and winks. Her smile is soft and her eyes shine bright in the late afternoon sun. Her hair gently sweeps her shoulders as she sits bunched up on the stool. Tess replies “ You” with a devilish smirk. Tess watches Scott’s arm flex as he moves the pan to the sink. His Canada shirt draped loosely of his shoulders while his boxer briefs shape his pert ass. Scott can feel Tessa staring straight at his back so he turns around to face her. He mirrors the look on her face and raises one eyebrow. “Eat up Tess. You’re going to need your strength”.

 

                The other thing that is different this time is that Tessa doesn’t care. She knows she shouldn’t be sleeping with Scott. She knows it’s reckless to hide it from everyone at B2ten but she doesn’t care. She spends so much time doing everything people expect from her. She’s been the perfect daughter , the perfect friend, the perfect partner. This is for her. She wants to live in the present and for once not be concerned with the future. She isn’t hurting anyone. Scott is okay with what’s happening between them.

 

                Scott watches Tessa take a large bite of her pancakes. The comeback is killing him in more ways than one. His body aches from the increased ice and gym time. His mind is constantly reeling with mental prep, techniques, fatigue and her. He knows he can’t talk to her about it. He knows better than to voice his desires. This time he isn’t going to act out on his feelings. He is going to be calculated. Scott won’t let himself fall into her trap. She already means so much to him. He doesn’t know if he can let her mean everything.

 

                She drops her fork half way through her generous stack of pancakes. “We should listen to some music for the free dance. I know Marie France wants Prince for the short” Scott nods while he digs into his own stack of pancakes. “Yeah okay. What theme are we going for again?”  “Two people who have gone through it and are learning how to find each other again” Tessa says in a firm voice. It sounds simple but Scott looks at her intently with a questioning stare. “Do you think that is a good idea?” Scott raises his eyebrows. He knows how Tessa will answer but he silently hopes she surprises him. “Of course. We don’t have to tell anyone the whole story line. We can keep that to ourselves” Scott continues to look down at his food not daring to look at his face “Sure Tess. Let’s keep it to ourselves” Tessa senses the slight shift in Scott’s voice. Part of her doesn’t want to address it, another part of her knows she should. Instead she moves around the countertop, stands on her tip toes and places a kiss to the corner of Scott’s lips. She continues to pepper his face with tiny little kisses. She kisses his cheek, his eyebrows and forehead. Scott slowly turns is head to meet her kisses. Their lips touch and Scott lets out a small sigh. Tessa runs her tongue along his bottom lip seeking entrance to his mouth. Scott pulls Tessa flush against him. She breaks the kiss and whispers to him “Want to take this to the bedroom?’ She waits for the slight nod of his head and pulls him down the hall leaving their food half eaten in the kitchen.

**Present**

 

               Tessa lays in bed staring at the ceiling. She had just finished a round of press, photoshoots, social media commitments and couldn’t be more tired. She tries to take slow deep breaths and let the tears fall. Her breath quickens and her chest tightens. She begins to feel as if the room is closing in on her. Her eyes dart from the window to the door then back up to the ceiling.  The noise of the TV droning on in the background gets duller as her heart picks up the pace. All she can hear is the pounding of her heart and the irregularity of her own breath. Waves of nausea come crashing in on her as she tries to slow herself down. She grabs the hem of her sleep tank and roughly yanks it off. She lifts her hips and pulls down her sleep shorts and throws them across the room. She throws the duvet off of her as the heat continues to build in her body. Tessa’s mind is racing but somehow empty at the same time. She can’t think, but feels as if she is thinking too much. “What’s happening to me? I can’t do this anymore” She whispers like she is offering a prayer to anyone who will listen. This is the 3rd night this week that this happened. But she knows in this moment she can’t deny it any longer. She can barely eat, and she hasn’t slept. She closes her eyes and wills sleep to come. Tomorrow will be different. It has to be.

 

               Scott takes a sip of his beer as he listens to the idiotic story Jackie’s friend is telling. He isn’t hearing anything the guy is saying. Scott doesn’t even remember the guy’s name even though he has been out with this group before. He knows he should make more of an effort to get know her friends but they all have nothing in common except for Jackie. Jackie is good. Jackie is fun and full of life. She likes to travel and stay active. He knows he needs that in his life. He doesn’t want this to be like Sochi. So Scott throws himself onto Jackie. It feels right because it’s easy. She knows him but not well enough to cause arguments. Everyone at the table is laughing and Scott tries to laugh with them. He tries to stay engaged in the conversation but his mind begins wander. Jackie puts her hand on his thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze. She gives him a smile and looks back at her friend telling a story. Scott knows how this night will end and he doesn’t even care. He will go back to Jackie’s place and pull down her skirt. She always makes the most appreciative noises and responds easily to his touch. He’ll grip her hips and place kisses up and down her thighs. He’ll nip and bite at her hips and thighs as she wriggles under his touch. But before they go back to Jackie’s place Scott picks up his phone and looks at the contacts. He opens his messages and presses on her name. He doesn’t know what to say. He never knows what to say anymore so most of the time he says nothing at all. He puts his phone back in his pocket. He will try again later. Tomorrow will be different. It has to be.

**Future**

            Scott stands immobilized at the door as his knuckles turn a pale white under his tight grip. He rests his head on the door with a soft thud. He takes a slow steady breath and twist the knob. The silence is thick in the air as he pushes the door open. Tessa’s mouth opens and closes as she watches him move. It feels like he is moving in slow motion. She reaches her hand out toward him to grab onto his shirt. It slips right through her fingers as he walks out the door.

 


	2. Sometimes Your Love is the Hardest Place

**Future**

                “Do you think you might have some responsibility in this situation?” Tessa looks down at her hands and then around the room. She can’t make eye contact with her. She rolls her eyes to keep the tears from falling and steals herself the best she can.

                “I guess I do. I can recognize that I have some issues. I just thought he could love me through that. Don’t I deserve to be loved just the way I am?” Tess’s voice is quiet but firm. She doesn’t want to cry today. Today she wants to be braver and stronger than she has been.

                “A person can only take so much rejection, Tessa. Do you ever think how he might be dealing with this?” Tessa doesn’t want to answer but she tries anyway.

                “I don’t know how he feels because he doesn’t tell me. He hurt me so much but he is just moving on as if what happened between us doesn’t matter”

                “Do you think maybe he feels the same way about you? It seems like he always puts in the effort to speak to you but you don’t put in any effort to speak to him” Ann asks. Tessa cannot respond this time. She physically cannot open her mouth. The thoughts and words are stuck in her head but it is like the connection is short circuiting. Instead she just shakes her head waiting for Ann to speak again.

                “Tessa we are here to make sure that you can have healthy relationships again, and to do that you have to open up and be vulnerable. It’s hard to self-reflect and admit things we’ve done wrong. The breakdown in a relationship always involves two people. You both have some share of the blame in this. Things might irreparable with Scott but maybe we can get you to a place where you can still have successful relationships” Ann speaks in soft dulcet tones.

                Tess doesn’t vocalize what she wants to say. She wants to say that Scott is still at the front of her mind and that every morning when she wakes up his face is all she can see. She wants to admit that it could never be anyone else. Scott is all she wants and all that she needs. Living a life without Scott is unimaginable. It has to be all or nothing for the two of the them. But those words never leave her mouth and she can’t think to say any of that out loud, so Tessa just nods silently in agreement. That is for the best.

               Ann always tries to look Tessa in the eye even when she avoids eye contact. Therapy is so soul baring and Tessa feels more naked in the office than she has ever felt on the ice. The room feels so big, it makes her feel so small. The conversation between Tess and Ann lacks an organic flow, and they operate in so much silence. It makes Tessa uncomfortable but she tries to push through.  Ann remains direct in her questioning and does not let Tess get away with not answering. Therapy feels like the hardest workout and she is always drained afterwards and she can barely talk or think. Most of the time she sits in the parking lot crying silently to herself. She berates herself for not being completely vulnerable or honest. But Tessa’s resolve remains. It won’t always be like this. Ann keeps promising things will get better and Tessa chooses to believe that. She will get better. She absolutely must.

 

 

**Present**

Seeing each other after a long time apart always feels like the first day of school. A nervous energy permeates the air as Scott fidgets with excitement. He doesn’t know how to interact with Tessa sometimes. The Olympic comedown is somehow worse this year than any year before. Scott can’t tell if it is because he is older and more jaded but knowing what to expect somehow makes it worse. That’s what people do not understand about their relationship. Everyone thinks it comes naturally to them but the truth is it doesn’t. It’s common knowledge that Scott is hard to love but what people don’t realize is Tessa is hard to love too. Scott doesn’t know how to make her feel loved and she doesn’t know how to ask for it. Sometimes Scott thinks they will never figure it out, and it frustrates him to no end. But skating is always what ties them together. It gives their relationship focus and purpose and they thrive in that. When they are skating, Scott thinks they could conquer the world. The comeback was all about getting those feelings back, getting back to being Tessa and Scott, Virtue and Moir. Tessa gives him a stability nothing else can. But he realizes he can’t rely on Tessa forever; it just isn’t sustainable. The comeback was such a temporary solution. It was like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. It didn’t really fix anything and maybe in hindsight it made it worst. Now when he sees Tessa sometimes an inexplicable anger rises in him; it consumes him before he can stop, it explodes.

                “Look at how tan you are! Glad you escaped the Canadian winter?” Tess asks. Scott looks at her with a curious expression.

                “Yeah. I guess, I mean I wasn’t running away” Scott answers defensively. He body tenses up in his seat and his shoulder rise toward his ears.

                “I didn’t mean it like that Scott. I’m just trying to make conversation” Tessa’s gaze bores directly into Scott and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.  

                “Don’t really want to talk about Florida, Tess or Jackie” He answers curtly. Tess wondered who would bring up Jackie first.

                “She is a part of your life Scott. I thought we said things would be different this time. I won’t get upset if you talk about her” Tess wants to try this. She wants things to be different now. She wants to prove to everyone that they can maintain their relationship and be in healthy romantic relationships with other people. But that requires effort on both of their parts, and right now she doesn’t think she can count on Scott to put in the effort.

                “Not much to say Virtch. Everything is going well” Scott keeps his answers short. The words that are unsaid hang in the air around them.

                “I’m glad you are happy Scott” Tess keeps a warm smile on her face. It seems genuine but Scott is not convinced.

                “I didn’t say I am happy Tess. I said everything is going well” Scott replies firmly. Tessa’s face scrunches up in the most adorable way, and his heart breaks. He wants to tell her how he feels. The desire to wrap her in his arms overwhelms him and he almost gives in. Bit Tessa chose this path for them. He wants to respect her decision regardless of how much it hurts him.

                “I am here for you Scott, remember you can tell me anything. I’m still your friend” Tess stretches her hand out to him underneath the table. She grasps his hand in hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. Scott clears his throat and slowly removes his hand from hers.

                “Thanks Tess. I really appreciate that”

**Past**

                The morning light shines through the curtains of Tessa’s room. It is her first day off in a long time and she does not want to get out of bed. The room is just the right temperature for snuggling up in bed all day and that is what she plans to do. The past couple of weeks were filled with practices, meetings, sponsorship commitments and competitions. Right now, Tessa wants a moment to breathe. It is hard to be an introvert in this kind of environment and Tess needs these moments of respite to keep her sane. But it is in these moments of quiet that the doubt and insecurity become loud.

                This comeback means so much to her, not for the reasons everyone thinks. They always talk about finding a passion for skating and needing the structure and rigor of competition which is partly true. What they do not talk about, is the mess surrounding them. Tess doesn’t want to admit that the comeback is also about getting it right. After Sochi and her “Year of Yes”, Tess felt lonelier than she ever has before. The only way she knows to fix that is to run to skating and to Scott. It is her most diversionary tactic to date which explains their families’ hesitation. The comeback is working. The focus is so singular and driving it takes all of Tessa and Scott’s energy.  So that is why in this momentary pause that it all comes flooding back to her. All of her insecurities, worries, and fears cascade through her mind disorienting her. Then Scott pops into her mind. Scott’s emotions are loud and up front. It can be difficult to handle at times but practice makes perfect, and Tessa has been practicing for almost twenty years.

                The truth is she loves being strong for Scott. If he needs to lean on her for the rest of his life, she will gladly stick by him. The love she has for Scott is indescribable, and life giving. It is not always an easy love and it is not always a healthy love, but it is still so worth it. Tessa loves being needed by Scott. She cherishes being the person he needs most in the world. Which makes what they are doing even more dangerous.

                She hears his footsteps climb the stairs two at a time. The bedroom door creaks open nosily at his entrance. He tip toes toward the bed and tries to kick his sneakers off at the same time. “Hey babe, didn’t think you would be up” He pulls his shirt over his head and shimmies out of his running shorts.

                “I just woke up. How was your run?” Tess pulls down the covers and beckons him to the bed. He smiles brightly and slides into bed next to her.

                “Good. It seems like it is going to be a nice day” He kisses the top of her head and wraps his sweaty body around her.

                “Ugh, is it sad that I love sweaty Scott?” She pulls him close and plants tiny kisses on his chest. His smile broadens and he replies “Nah, because I sure do love sweaty Tessa”.

                She can help but look at the way the light hits his face. His brown eyes shine and the beloved superman curl falls perfectly on his forehead. Tessa knows the look on her face right now is goofy but today she doesn’t care. The safety of the bedroom and the freedom of the day enrapture her. Scott’s face begins to mirror her own and uncertainty stirs in her gut.

 “What do you want to do today?” He whispers sweetly.

                “I want to stay right here in this bed with you” And Tessa can’t honestly tell if she means today or forever.

**Future**

                Scott hates coming to the rink now. It used to bring him so much joy and now he dreads getting out of bed. The rink use to be their safe space, now he just tries to avoid thinking about it when he is there. He tells everyone that he is doing better this time but he knows that is a lie. This time distance is his drug of choice. Scott removes himself from anyone who could possibly see through his façade. He drops in for the occasional visit and phone call but, maintains the distance. He wonders how long he can keep this going until he breaks or someone notices the truth. He tries to do all of his work for the tour by phone or email. If he sits down in the same room with Tess she will know the truth immediately. He contemplates seeing a therapist but that would require facing the situation. Scott just isn’t ready.

                He sits in Patrice’s office watches some film with him. “What was it like when you and Marie-France stopped skating?” He asks as he focuses on the screen. Patrice pauses the screen, and turns to look at Scott.

                “Why are you asking now?” Patrice has a terrible habit of answering a question with a question. Scott rolls his eyes and answers him. “Because I finally have time to think about it”. That is partially true, Scott has avoided it for so long it all seems out of the blue.

                Patrice gives Scott a warm smile and replies “It fucking sucked”. Scott is slightly taken aback by Patrice cursing because it is such a rare occurrence that he doesn’t know how to respond. “So much of my relationship with Marie is based on skating. I kept thinking if I don’t have this can we survive” Scott nods in sympathy. “And we didn’t end like you and Tess. It was different for us” Patrice’s voice is soft but somehow firm. He speaks with a conviction and slight edge to his voice. Scott wonders if years from now he will sound the same, as if time doesn’t heal all wounds. The silence that stretches between them is heavy and thick.

                “I don’t want it to be like Sochi, but it feels like no matter what I do it will be the same” Scott laments as he picks at his fingernails. He has not verbalized his feelings to anyone. There is a certain safety he feels within the walls of Gadbois. It has been his home away from home for the last couple of years. He knows he can be himself here. The problem is he doesn’t know who that is anymore. Patrice hums a softly and gives Scott a gentle smile. “Is it Tessa?” Scott shakes his head quickly trying to get her face out of his head.

                “How do you love someone that doesn’t know how to be loved?” Scott’s voice is barely above a whisper. Patrice leans closer to him and puts a supportive hand on his back. “What makes you think she doesn’t know how to be loved? Maybe this time you should try and love her better”

                Patrice’s advice stays with him the whole flight back to Florida. Tessa and Scott’s relationship is in such a weird place he doesn’t know how to move forward. So much time has passed but yet everything stays the same. Scott looks out the window of the plane and sees the clear blue sky. Days like this make him crazy. The sun is always shining in Florida and it is unnerving. But every once and a while, the clouds come and torrential rain, thunder and lighting bombard the Florida sky. That is kind of how Scott feels lately. He seems sunny, happy and cheerful but then the storm comes and when it does it is catastrophic. Now that he is older, he tries not to have these break downs in front of anyone. He doesn’t let Jackie into this part of his life at all. He knows someday he will have to make a decision and face his problems head on. One day he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! It is really fun writing this and slightly therapeutic. I hope you all enjoy.


	3. My Heart Swells at the Sight of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa and Scott welcome a new member to the fold.

**Future**

The bundle in her arms is wiggly and small. Tessa has no clue how she got here but the determination in her eyes is singular. She wants to do this right and be the best mother she can possibly be. Tessa never really pictured this moment but she never imagined something like this in her wildest dreams. He is so small and wrinkly and his eyes have barely opened. She cannot tell who he really looks like but she doesn’t think it even matters. Regardless of how all of this happened she knows she must get this right. The moment is so bittersweet it strangles Tessa with guilt. But then she looks at him. How could she not love this blameless bundle of joy? He already seems to be the best combination of her and Scott and while it hurts, it’s also so beautiful. Tessa places small kisses to his forehead and cheeks. The room is quiet except for the small whimpers he makes.  She never understood how much this love would hurt and change her whole life. Now nothing would ever be the same. Now there is so much more at stake. She just hopes she can change for the better, not for Scott but for the baby.

**Present**

                He hates this secret. It is a facet of their relationship that is new but not exciting. Whenever he and Tessa become “involved” they are both single. They usually hole themselves up in some distant city and escape reality and expectation together. But instead now they have this secret. They aren’t even physically intimate but they are something that might be much more dangerous. Now it is long conversations on the phone overnight. It is text messages about what they wish they could do together. At times it seems innocent but it never stays that way for long. He knows what he is doing is wrong but with Tessa there is always a weakness. There is no woman in the world like Tessa. But their shared history makes it all seem impossible. Sometimes he feels like the dream is staring him in the face and he feels like he can reach out and grab it. But he always wakes up before he can hold on to it. So in the quiet of the night, Scott sits on the phone and listens to Tessa’s voice.

                “I’m trying to listen to what Ann is saying and I’m trying to incorporate her advice into my life but sometimes it is just so hard” Tessa’s voice is so soft and vulnerable. People might not believe it but Tessa is rarely vulnerable with Scott. Even with the length of their partnership, Scott can count on one hand the amount of times Tessa has been vulnerable with him. It’s exactly how she could be in so much pain and never mention it to him until it was too late. The fact that Tessa is even mentioning her therapy session to him shows so much growth.

                “I’m so proud of you Tess. Trying is a big step. I think you are going in the right direction” Scott replies encouragingly.

                “Well every weak she asks me to take risks. This week she wanted me to talk to you.” Her voice is so quiet and unsure. It’s a side of Tessa he rarely sees. She usually exudes this quiet confidence. It is a little unnerving to hear the uncertainty in her voice.

                “You can talk to me about anything kiddo” Scott wants to reassure her. He wants to do anything to help her.

                “I want to be honest with you about what happened between us during the comeback and after the Olympics. Better yet I want to be honest with you about how I was feeling at that time” Her voice waivers but she presses on.  “I just didn’t know how to feel with you. I didn’t realize what I was feeling until later. I didn’t know what love felt like until everything was over. I’m sorry I never told you how I felt. I loved you so much, Scott. It’s so hard to be without you. I haven’t been the same since. I know you are with Jackie. I just want to be honest with you and tell you how I feel. I’m sorry I was never honest with you back then”

Scott’s heart breaks at her words. This is something distinctly more intimate than any sex they have ever had. He thinks about how 2 years ago these words would mean the world to him. It all feels like a dream because these words are all he has ever wanted. Tessa is so strong and brave sometimes he feels like she doesn’t need him. But hearing her talk about how much she wanted him and how much their distance has affected her, is earth shattering. He can feel his breathing slow down, his heart begins to race, and his palms get clammy. It feels as if it is too much too late. Not sure about how to process this information he listens to her continue.

“I’m so sorry Scott. I feel terrible about how everything happened” Tessa cannot believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. When Ann first gave her this week’s assignment, Tessa immediately let Ann know it wasn’t going to happen. She couldn’t fathom having this kind of talk with Scott. But as she left Ann’s office she began to think on Ann’s advice. What does she have to lose? Scott is happy in his relationship with Jackie, and Tessa is beginning to come to terms with it. As she speaks to Scott on the phone it feels as if his responses don’t matter. She wants to get this all off her chest. She wants to be free.

“Don’t be sorry Tess. I wanted everything with you. I just didn’t know what you wanted. You seemed to just want sex and nothing else, and I didn’t know how to handle that. Being with you was such a dream Tess. But not having it all was the tough part” Scott’s voice sounds a little strained but the honesty is there. It’s a little disturbing to Tess how they never had these conversations. But what is more unsettling is how easy it is to have them now. Tessa’s heart is beating rapidly in her chest but she can’t stop listening. The words coming out of Scott’s mouth sound like such a fairy tale. The thoughts of what could have been swim through her head. Tessa can’t believe after all this time they can’t even communicate their feelings effectively to each other. She wishes she could have been braver with him.

 

**Future**

                 Scott doesn’t know how he got here. He sits at the table across from his mother wondering how he can explain this all to her. She looks at him with such a questioning stare Scott cowers at her gaze. “What is happening? How could you let this happen? Now an innocent baby is involved in your mess. This isn’t the kind of man you are Scott”. He doesn’t know how to tell his mother this is exactly the kind of man he is and has been all along. The whole situation seems out of control but at the same time it’s his own decisions that led him here. Now he doesn’t know how to fix it. Someone is going to get hurt and he knows it will probably be Tessa and his son. Tessa always gets the worst of him and it kills him sometimes.

                “I’m surprised to Ma. I’ve been trying to call her but she doesn’t answer my calls” Scott has rarely lied to his mother. Alma is the most understanding and loyal woman. She raised three sons so almost nothing surprises her, yet Scott cannot find it inside himself to tell her the truth. He can’t tell her that he hasn’t called Tessa because none of this feels real. Scott never expected his relationship with Tessa to be on such display like this. Now their family will realize how dysfunctional they really are.

                “Scott are you lying to me? Kate says Tessa hasn’t spoken to anyone yet and that she won’t even tell Kate where she is. This is so dangerous Scott. A woman should never go through this alone. Kate says she won’t say where she is because she is afraid someone will tell you. Why doesn’t Tessa want you to know where she is? What did you do?” Alma’s words come out in a rushed harsh voice. Scott hasn’t heard his mother speak to him like that in years. Alma mostly stays out of this area of Scott’s life. She is one of those mothers who believes her son will do that right thing. Scott sometimes wishes he could see himself the way his mother does. She has such belief in him, it makes him feel as if he could do anything. But in this moment, he knows he is letting her down and it almost seems unbearable.

                “I don’t know if I could fix it Ma. Tess and I might be broken beyond repair” His voice is barely above a whisper and Alma has to strain to hear him. Alma barely recognizes him like this. Gone is the confident, self-assured man he has grown up to be. Instead all she sees is her baby boy, lost and confused looking to her for guidance. It breaks her heart to see him like this but it also breaks her heart to hear what he has done.

                “Well at this point you don’t have a choice, Scott. I tried so hard to love you and be supportive of your dreams, and maybe that was a disservice to you. Real life is tough and sometimes no matter how hard you try you don’t get it right. There isn’t always redemption. And the decisions we make in the moment seem fine but it turns out they really aren’t. But what matters is your character. That is when you are faced with a tough decision and you do the right thing anyway. Is this the kind of character you want to show your son and Tessa? You have a responsibility to them both. So, what are you going to do? Tessa and your son deserve to have you try. I will always love you Scott but if you don’t make this right it will take me a long time to forgive you” Scott is flabbergasted. His mother never speaks to him like this. Alma raised three sons who are all very much mama’s boys, and Scott might be the worst one. Joe is always the one to bring the tough love so hearing his mother’s anger and disappointment is shocking.

                “I know mom but it’s so hard. She didn’t even trust me enough to tell me what is going on” Scott feels like he must remind his mother that Tessa made some mistakes too. They both have to share the blame. “We never pushed you and Tessa together. You did that all on your own. But sometimes loving someone for that long and that much is too hard. There is too much bullshit between you it feels insurmountable at times. You know each other too well and all you can think about is the bad. That is why the distance helps, it makes you realize how good you really do have it. But if you do this thing where you try to only take the good and leave the bad it will only hurt both of you. You need to love her completely Scotty, even when she doesn’t want to be loved. That is what makes love so great the good and the bad. For so many years you and Tessa have focused on the good and it has made you lose sight of what love really is. Love her even when it’s hard Scotty because it’s hurting you when you don’t”.

**Past**

                Tessa never dreams of having children. She never really dreams past the Olympics. Figure skating is taking up so much of her time there is little room for anything else. But sitting in this room holding her little niece makes her mind wander. It’s almost impossible to imagine herself as a mom but something about holding a baby is completely magical. Even though she thinks it’s probably an evolutionary thing, the magic is not lost on her. She doesn’t know if she will ever get the chance to be a mother. Life begins and ends with ice dance and she can’t imagine anything past that. But the happiness of her brother’s face is enviable. Pure joy seems to radiate off him and she can’t help but want to experience that someday. Kate is beaming as she looks at the face of her first grandchild with a contentment she has never seen.

                “Babies are so perfect at this age. I remember this moment with all of you kids. Nothing is better than this moment. I’m just so glad to be here” Kate’s eyes tear up and Tessa is almost in shock. Kate is a strong woman who even though she has four children doesn’t seem like the type to get misty eyed over the situation.

                “It will be different when you have a baby. There is something about giving birth that bonds a mother and a daughter together. I want you to experience motherhood Tess. There is nothing like it” Kate takes the baby out of Tessa’s arms sitting in a chair near the window. Tess wants to imagine what it would be like to find someone to want to have a baby with but it is unthinkable. Love doesn’t come easy or naturally to her. She sees people falling in love and wonders what it would be like. She is not sure she is capable of that emotion and has no clue what it might look like. The only thing she has ever committed to is her partnership with Scott and that isn’t the easiest thing in the world. There is so much between them and it is so complicated without romantic love she can’t imagine what adding that would be like. But she also never tells anyone what her relationship with Scott really means to her. It feels like if she even begins to put words to those feelings, the words would never be enough. It is an uncontrollable feeling and that is scary enough. So, she tries not to dwell on any of it and focuses her attention on the task at hand.  Tessa looks at the baby in her mother’s arms. The idea of a new beginning makes her heart swell with gratitude for her mother. Her mother still looks at her with love and adoration and it’s so comforting to know it all started at a moment like this. Tessa is inspired by the love her mother still gives after everything she has been through. Tessa doesn’t know if she will ever have a baby but watching her own mother now she sees that if she does a love like that isn’t learned, it just comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is actually pretty personal for me. I'm currently going through a lot of the emotions that Tessa and Scott are going through in this story. This is kind of my life right now and writing this has been both helpful and painful.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fan fiction since I was a teen! But these two have inspired something in me. We'll see how this goes


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